My list of various humorous, semi-humorious, and just plain deranged quotes from Bernard and Co.
Email updates@new-order.net if you have any that you would like to add!
BS: "Oh by the way, everyone says this, but we do love New York. The drugs are so cheap there...and plentiful..."
Some chatter from BS slagging off Gene Loves Jezebel...can't quite make it out.
PH: "This is the brass section. If the Jam can do it, I'm sure we can." (intro for In a Lonely Place)
PH: "Well, there are several big blokes here that'll RIP YER FUCKIN' HEAD OFF!" (intro for Temptation)
PH: "This one's A Certain Ratio song, we'd thought we play it for you because you would save (say?) it for me." (intro for 'Confusion')
Both Lonesome Tonights intro with Bernard imploring everybody to move back. The first one has Hooky cussing out people with video cameras taking up room in the front or something like that, audio isn't easy to make out. (live 7/2/83)
(think this was the gig to benefit a coal miners' strike)
"You all move back a bit, else we'll be doing another suffocation benefit next week. I'm sure you don't want us to gig London again."
Alternate lyrics in same song
"You reached out in your sleep, and you felt my big fat cock."
Intro to Vanishing Point Reading 1989
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
BS: "Right, I'm gonna wake up you Mission fans up now. I see you all, dressed in black, picking your fucking noses. What we want is New Order fans!"
PH (falsetto): "I can't 'ear you!"
BS: "This is the first festival I've ever played where the band's been more out of it than the audience."
BS: "Sorry about that, we all had to go get some heroin. Oh, I'm joking, oh I'm joking! Cuz, remember, Drugs Are Bad For You."
BS: "Thank you very much. We're gonna play another new song now, tell you what it's called, but I can't announce the title cuz I'm pissed...(few seconds' pause)...it's As It Is When It Was."
BS: "This next song is another new song. It's called "Shame Of The Nation". All we know, its about shagging, mindless shafting, so you all probably understand it."
I know you / you know me / and we're as fucked up / as we can be
PH: "What?...Can't hear ya...You see, New York is so wild, they have to have a 15 foot gap between you and us."
BS: "Thank you, thank you...I've always liked New York. Always."
BS: "Get a bit excited on the old [win...] remember. Here's our artistic intrpretation of it..."
BS: "The right _____ for this song that <we're about to perform?> cuz we ripped off doing records. But he's a personal friend of mine. Who's fucking <mad at me?>
[probably talking about the muezzin samples for this song taken from Byrne/Eno MyLife_In_The_Bush_Of_Ghosts]
BS: "Good evening, punters. Hope y'all are enjoying yourselves." This is a p____ ___ ___ tune. It's called...I don't know what it's called actually."
BS: "I want all of you singing along for this one, all you Funhouse bastards."
(background, one of the roadies..."Ready?"...another roadie..."No")
BS: "Sorry to keep you waiting, we're just waiting for the sequencer to load up. We're not sorry really, I don't give a shit at all. I don't, anyway."
BS: "Seldom...seldom have I ever met an audience more lethargic that we are...very quiet here in New York, aye. Aren't we all Joy Division fans? Sussed you out, eh? (audience member yells "Don't forget we're gonna get you!!!)
How does it it feel, to be treated in front of a cunt like you (getting back at some front row heckler, it sounds like) ...thought I heard you (falseto) speak...
PH: "I'm getting paid for it, though..." (cheering) BS: "Okay, this next one involves use of a Sequential Circuits ten thousand note memory sequencer..." Of course it messes up, leaving Bernard mumbling something unintelligable but I suspect not pleasant.
I can't 100% vouch for what I'm hearing, but Bernard's improvising lyrics on Confusion in a confusing fashion...
"Hiding your feelings
You told me you care
But you think the cost
Stop laughing in bed
Your tits are so big
They're meant to be rare[?]
Your nipples are for sucking
[sounds like: 'Tearing my rod', but isn't]"
BS: "Thanks a lot. We'd like to dedicate this next song to the City of Glasgow."
BS: "Think it is, anyway, is it? Yes it is.
(they were having technical difficulties, resulting in the following unusual sequence to start out, done to beat)
"Just takes us a long time to get going.
A very long time.
Very very very long time.
Called a Perfect Kiss
Takes a long time to get going, doesn't it?
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Doesn't start like this on the record.
It starts very different to this on the record.
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Fucking hurry up!
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
It's starting now."
After the song finishes us, Bernard smartly notes:
"It sounds a bit like that."
PH: "You may ask yourself what could possibly go wrong? No..."
(terrible bass racket)
"That."
BS: "Eh...we left our drinks on stage, so we had to come back on. Ahahaha. Hear about the Ethopian prostitute? She had more men than hot dinners."
I don't care if you got a big dick
Ah Johnny won't you hear me Johnny won't you hear me?
BS: "You tell us what to play and we won't play it"
BS: "Shut your fookin' gobs, as Bernard Manning would say, 'At
wo here an me'(?)
PH: "Yo"
BS: "Okay, I'm ready"
"Wisdom of a cunt will set you free"
BS: "Understand we haven't played here in Cambridge in 6 years."
(adopts fake Oxbridge accent)
"Y'all so wonderful ah y'all"
BS: "This is a very, very, very, very, very new song, it's called Shellshock, and it's our new song. A lot of people say we can't play, but some of us know better, don't we?"
BS: "Well, what a tame audience we have. What a bunch of boring cunts here. (probably responding to audience taunting) Boring melodic(?). You know you want to.
BS: (mutters) "What's the next song" PH: "Ceremony" (cough)
PH: "Don't give a fuck [for us I see]?"
BS: "No problem, we don't care."
BS: (to stage crew) "I don't. Have you got a cord for this?" to taunter) "Shut up, you bastard...(bass riff starts)... No, that was a compliment."
BS: "(unintelligible)the connection for this flute. Few lights when I'm playing on the Casio I'm playing, not like it counts in the state tonight I'm in..."
PH: "Don't seem to be another after that, eh. Fucking A. You lucky bastards."
(after song finishes...)
PH: "We might have [dodged death?] as well as that"
BS: "...This is a very old song, it's called 'The Day The Road Crew Got A Jump'...."
BS: "I like him over there, he's one bloke who needs a jump!"
PH: "Take a bow, take a bow, mate."
BS: "When you reached out in your sleep, and you felt my big fat cock"
Also said at the gig...
BS: "You all move back a bit, else we'll be doing a...a suffocation benefit next week. I'm sure you don't want us in London again."
And later:
BS: "People are getting crushed, please step back. Actually, I don't give a fuck really, but it sounds good to say that."
Here's a great stanza for the ages:
"When I walked through the door, my wife she laid upon the floor She was sucking cocks, that whore, and here I lie. I said you dirty bastard, what are you doing on the floor? 'Sucking big fat cocks all fucking day long.'"
Another great couplet, and why the scariest job on earth is doing New Order's sound:
You saw your arms touch my thighs
Turn the phone back like it was at the soundcheck!
Turn the guitar up and turn the vocals up too!
Oh I have never met a cunt like you!
(from GeoBest via Ceremony list)
My favorite banter is Oakland Aug '85, such as "for the little shit who spit on us from the front, come backstage after..."
BS: "Thank you very much. It's great to be back in America again. Get some sunshine. Take some drugs!"
BS: "Absolutely beautiful place you got here at Vista Point...it's a real pleasure to be here. We're in Seattle."
Billy Corgan laughs.
BS: "It's not a question, is it?"
BS: "Thank you. Thanks very much. So pleased to see you all. I'm so pleased you like Ceremony. [Bernard raises voice] I'm so pleased you like Temptation. (somebody shouts their affermation) I'm so pleased you like Blue Monday. (yeah) Straight from Top Of The Pops, we have New Order! On my left, we have Peter Hook. On my right, we have Gillian Gilbert. Behind me, we have Ian Curtis."
BS: "It's a fucking Blue Monday. I dread the day we ever fucking wrote it. Played it five thousand times. I never liked it in the first fucking place (at this point, Bernard is breaking down in giggles)... no, it's fantastic." (the concert was played on a Monday)
BS: "Thank you very much. I'd try to think of something witty to say, but I'm not very witty, unfortunately."
BS: "Thank you very much. As Divine said, 'I've had more people in bed than there is in this room tonight'....but not quite as much feedback."
BS: "I prefer fur hats to hairy twats, but your hairy twat is like a fur hat"
BS: "I know the [sounds like: lighted door], I just heard that Gene Loves Jezebel had broken up. That makes me very happy."
BS: "Thank you very much. This next song is our last song, it's called Sunrise. (cheers) It's all about nothing. It's a catchy title and a catchy tune, but it doesn't really mean anything. Guess that's like the story of my life. And yours as well."
BS: "Why do women have legs? So they don't leave a trail like a slug."
BS: "See, we've played that one so much that we can play it."
BS: "Naked saunas.....marching music......"
BS: "I've always liked Wolverhampton. It reminds me of Wolves. Wolves with big dicks."
BS: "I'd like to dedicate this song to someone who couldn't be with us tonight because he's dead. I think you all know who I mean.......Mr Elvis Presley"
BS: "Just played that one, Gillian. I must say I'm very impressed with Wolverhampton. I've always liked the name of it, it reminds me of wolves. Wolves with big dicks. There's one 'ere."